Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Thoughts Ahead

So a liquid fast is not a good idea, at least right now. I realized going from eating what I was to just liquids wouldnt be smart because of the big jump in calories, and the fact I could easily want to binge or overeat. I didn't eat yesterday at all until 8:30pm, and had some celery, hard boiled egg, and an apple with some almond butter. I lost a pound more this morning from yesterday even after all my bathroom Im happy about that.

Today it's been coffee, 12pc sushi and an Honest Ade juice, which is considerably low in sugar versus any other juice drink. My biggest thing I need to stay away from is fruit juice. Even though I only drink 100% no sugar added, it's still way too much fruit sugar. I always add metamucil for more fiber, but then it's just too many added calories when I could just eat a piece of fruit with less calories/more fiber.

I'm planning to have some organic plain popcorn before work is over (6pm) and then when I get home the boyfriend and I are going for a jog, then I'll prob do an apple with almond butter again for dinner, maybe a hard boiled egg. Im so anxious to get this weight off, and I feel like I will really follow though because keeping track of myself on this blog. Also I can get out all my mental stress and thoughts I feel I can't talk to anyone with, granted anyone that can remotely understand what I'm living with (my ED).

I have a follow up with my doctor, and I've taken myself off wellbutrin, and so far Im only lightheaded and a bit nausous. I'm going to ask about going on topamax, since I've heard about the benefits with not having an appeitite, or at least food tastes like ass when you're taking it. Even though Im not a constant binger, or overeater, I'll have to say I feel this way. My weight has been consistant in the last year, but it's 15lbs heavier than I want to be, and then I hope to take another 10lbs off. My Stepmom's bacherlorette party June 5th (We're going to NYC overnight! Staying at a hotel in Time Square!) and then their wedding (Dad and her) June 19th, and I have a beautiful brides maids dress. Once I hit 120lbs if not less I'll post a pic in it :)


xEllex said...

Yeah I know I don't have full on BDD but I am BDD-ish. I do fixate on my nose. I look at it from all angles and the way I do my hair is specifically so that it detracts attention from my nose. When I look at pictures of myself I cover my nose. Often I get so depressed at the way I look I don't want to go out, and when I'm out shopping and I see myself in the mirrors or changing rooms I feel so disgusting I have to go straight home. Things is people have expressed genuine suprise that I even think my nose is big. My friend even said my nose is her favourite nose, she thinks it gives a lovely nose. I think it's monstrous.

Yeah I totally get the ED perfection thing. There is no such thing as normal. My body has to the perfect way I want it and anything less is hideous. The thinner I get, I don't feel fatter, but I still feel as fat as ever. It's maddening.

Your diet's sounding good so far. I'm so impressed with your wholefoods approach. I'd love to be able to do that. My principles are vegan, but I started recenly when I was going through a rough patch and it pushed me into binging way more because I found it just introduced too many dietary rules into my life, so I'm easing off back to my vegetarianism til I can regain some control over my eating.

I'm on Topamax but so far I haven't had any effects regarding my appetite, but it's early days yet. Looking forward to pics :)


shrinking violet said...


hope you don't mind me commenting on your blog. I totally get what you mean about "comfort weight gain" when you start going out someone, same thing happened to me. Congrats on the 55lbs, that's amazing!! And the food list is good too. I followed a diet for a while which had just 6 foods to avoid: dairy, wheat, sugar, processed food (any thing that had been through two or more stages of human intervension), alcohol and caffine.

It worked, but was fairly strict and I ended up sacking it off after about 6 weeks. I'd lost 7lbs though.

I started blogging towards the end of march when I was around 130. I'm now 123 and striving really hard to get to 120 in the next week or so. Would be great to do it together.

Violet x

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