Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Stomach Blues

Okay, so hopefully I will make it through this post without having to scoot to the bathroom. Here's the story...

I've been (major) pissed at myself since, oh I dunno, last March 2009, after a couple months of dating my boyfriend. I gained this weight I have now. This whole comfort thing I suppose, with being with someone that loves you no matter what fucks with your head and food. I mentally feel I can get this weight off, and then the physical part of me just sits there, and won't listen. Well no more of this, it's too important to me. I guess my real fear is falling deeply back into my ED with loosing the weight I want and not being able to recognize that I'm even thin, I think that is the most frustrating thing ever!

So last night, or actually, starting most of the afternoon, I ate a lot. I probably for the day had just over 3000 calories. That in itself was a punishment, and a last hoo-rah to eat unconsciously. I came home, snuck the last 3 laxatives (box in which Ive had for over 6 months, I really don't abuse them [anymore]) Hence my need for the bathroom, which Ive gone 3 times since I got up, about an hour ago. I'll just say, holy cow...I think I was backed up to begin with.

I'm planning to do only liquids at least until Friday, payday. I need to re evaluate my eating plan so that I can get enough to keep my energy including going to the gym, and prevent cravings. Boredom is my big problem with mindless nibbling. Any suggestions for low cal foods, that you know work for you let me know :)

DISCLAIMER: I do not consume; dairy (casein, whey, lactose) gluten (wheat, spelt, barely, rye, etc) corn/high fructose/corn syrup, soy, trans fats (hydrogenated), artificial colors/flavors/sweeteners (msg, aspartame, sucralose, etc) hydrolyzed/oxidized ingredients, modified food starch, BHA/BHT/EDTA. And basically any processed foods.

DISCLAIMER 2: I kid you not. The above cut out of my diet was the precursor of my 55lbs weight loss. The difference now is I eat more of the same stuff than I used to, I'm STRESSED, and not nearly as active/busy. I may have body/eating issues, but I know my shit about nutrition. Whole and natural is where it's at!

My stomach's growling like an animal, but I'm scared to drink anything, because I already know what will go down, no pun intended...


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