Groceries & A Cushion Under My Arse

Grocery Anxiety Induced shopping went well last night. Granted it takes me two hours since I go to Whole Foods and Hannaford, because all my shit isn't in one store. I bought all I needed/could bare/testify to survive so to not want to eat myself to death(aka enough but not a lot). The cushion factor would be that I actually have money left over! This includes after paying bills due before next paycheck, oil change, and a couple little things for myself. Feels so flippin nice. For the past few paychecks Ive been so broke after paying bills, that I'm left with almost no money to buy groceries. Being broke makes me crave junk, and having no money...well there's a real bad vicious cycle for you. Now I'm full time at work, commissions have changed, and I got $1 pay raise :) Things are getting better.






Those are the two nice things I got myself :) The face (night) cream is amazing, and the shampoo I don't know yet, but I already have the conditioner and its awesome. I also bought some locally made bath salts at Whole Foods and used them last night.

So on to something new; I found through Violet a new update tool, org made by Alice. Skinny Pact! It's a way to keep track of daily intake/exercise at a glance. Love it, so join in too :)

Then that brings me to my purchases aka meal lists. These are food ideas/choices for me pertaining to each meal. I'm not completely restricting myself to only the foods listed within meals, as I do eat anything natural (all fruits/veggies/nuts, lean beef/pork/chicken/venison/fish/seafood) Here it is:

Breakfast:
∙2 scrambled eggs w/optional veggies or
∙1/4c slow cooked organic steel cut oats w/cinnamon & 1 banana

Lunch:
∙8pc salmon avocado roll or
∙2 organic brown rice cakes, 1tbsp of either fruit preserves and/or honey almond butter for each cake
∙Either with optional 1 serv raw nuts, or 1 fruit, or serv veggies.

Dinner:
∙Amy's Meal (brown rice bowl, brown rice teriyaki bowl, or enchilada) w/steamed/cooked veggies
∙Steak/Chicken/Seafood or meat of choice, w/steamed/cooked veggies
∙Either with optional salad w/tbsp organic thousand island dressing

I will mix and match lunch/dinner depending on day/inventory. Substitutes equal to calorie or nutritional value may be used.

I feel like those last two lines should be in small fine print, as if it were a disclaimer, ha.

Sick of Being Fat

So last night we went out to eat. It was my idea. I have these ridiculous, welljustthisonelasttimeillstartnewthisdaybecauseofthisandthat (which I need to STOP doing). And that reason would be that today is payday, and I have money again, which will be buying my groceries. I wont discuss what I ate last night, but it was enough to make me shoot up 4 pounds, which I know arent real pounds but still enough to piss me right off.

Im so lost on what exactly to buy. I can buy all these veggies and fruit, and somehow I wont eat them. Ill get hungry and decide to buy something, like thai food for example (just veggies/rice, but its also so much food!) I need to find ways to be strict about what I eat. Although I think its more my tastebuds are set to want unnatural foods. I remember how I used to crave broccoli, or oatmeal (organic, plain slow cooked, added cinnamin) Its so hard when you are on the go, working, and its so easy to grab a meal, instead of take an hour in the morning to make your lunch/dinner. But theres the rub, I NEED to make the time, its more than weight loss its being healthy and taking care of myself. Theres also so much downtime at my job. I work in retail for a popular cell phone company and we can be at our desks up to 85% of the day. It's a-bull-shit.

So tonight I also want to try to hit up Borders and get myself some new reading materials. I've read quite a lot (pertaining ED's, recovery and not). Anyone that knows of some good ones, feel free to share. Ill leave this with a quote I saw the other day that made me think of a perfect way for others to grasp on what depression really means.

"Depression isn't not understanding that you have something to live for, it's knowing that you should feel differently but it's so bad that all you want to do is curl up and die."