Sick of Being Fat

So last night we went out to eat. It was my idea. I have these ridiculous, welljustthisonelasttimeillstartnewthisdaybecauseofthisandthat (which I need to STOP doing). And that reason would be that today is payday, and I have money again, which will be buying my groceries. I wont discuss what I ate last night, but it was enough to make me shoot up 4 pounds, which I know arent real pounds but still enough to piss me right off.

Im so lost on what exactly to buy. I can buy all these veggies and fruit, and somehow I wont eat them. Ill get hungry and decide to buy something, like thai food for example (just veggies/rice, but its also so much food!) I need to find ways to be strict about what I eat. Although I think its more my tastebuds are set to want unnatural foods. I remember how I used to crave broccoli, or oatmeal (organic, plain slow cooked, added cinnamin) Its so hard when you are on the go, working, and its so easy to grab a meal, instead of take an hour in the morning to make your lunch/dinner. But theres the rub, I NEED to make the time, its more than weight loss its being healthy and taking care of myself. Theres also so much downtime at my job. I work in retail for a popular cell phone company and we can be at our desks up to 85% of the day. It's a-bull-shit.

So tonight I also want to try to hit up Borders and get myself some new reading materials. I've read quite a lot (pertaining ED's, recovery and not). Anyone that knows of some good ones, feel free to share. Ill leave this with a quote I saw the other day that made me think of a perfect way for others to grasp on what depression really means.

"Depression isn't not understanding that you have something to live for, it's knowing that you should feel differently but it's so bad that all you want to do is curl up and die."